Madeline Lass, RP (Qualifying)
Building a close relationship with your teenage child can feel challenging, especially as they begin to navigate the stressors of growing up. It can often feel like your child is distant, and the last thing they want is a connection with you. Parents can feel hopeless watching their child go through the hardships of being a teenager and not knowing how to support them. While there isn’t much we can do to protect our children from life’s stressors, there are ways to create supportive relationships that will allow you to be there for your child as they face these challenges.
Here are three tips on supporting your stressed-out teenager, and a message on how therapy can help you achieve these goals:
1. Create consistent boundaries and structure at home.
Predictable home environments, created through consistency in boundaries and structure, provide teens with a comforting sense of security. Consistent boundaries and structure is developed by becoming very clear about what you are and are not comfortable with in your home.
Having boundaries demonstrates to your children your strength and reliability as a parent, and sends your child the message that you can handle them during their hard moments. The more consistent you are with maintaining your boundaries, the stronger the message of dependability and safety your child will receive. Although this is not an easy task, it will greatly strengthen your parent-child relationship.
2. Acknowledge emotions alongside behaviours.
Teenage behaviours can be frustrating and confusing. It is very easy to focus on what is considered “bad” behaviour when discussing your teenager’s struggles, which can often lead to arguments with both sides feeling misunderstood. In these moments when your child is struggling, try to also acknowledge their emotions before addressing behaviours.
For example, if your child is having a meltdown about their favourite sweater being too dirty to wear to school, acknowledge the stress and discomfort they must be feeling about having to go to school in an outfit they don’t feel confident in. Communicating that you recognize their emotions will give you both a mutual point of understanding to use to connect in those moments of stress.
Once the waters have settled, revisit any conversation about behaviours that may need to be addressed. If you’re not sure how your child is feeling, taking a guess is a good place to start, and might even open the door to a deeper conversation about what’s really bothering them.
3. Take care of yourself!
Self-care can sometimes feel out of reach, especially when raising a teenager, but taking care of yourself can make your parenting journey a lot smoother. Whether it’s walking, reading, or simply enjoying some quiet time, practicing self-care can help you become a more effective parent.
Teenagers can sense their parents’ ability to hold difficult emotions, which affects the likelihood of them coming to you for support. If you know that your teen is having a stressful week, make it a priority to “fill your own cup” before you help them fill theirs.
By caring for yourself, you increase your capacity to support your teen, which will make navigating challenges more enjoyable and more likely to bring you closer together.
How Can Therapy Help?
Therapy is a great way to support yourself with achieving and learning more about how to use these tips. A therapist can help you figure out what your boundaries are, why they are important to you, and how it IS possible to maintain them. Seeing emotions as well as behaviours takes practice, and self-awareness and getting to know your own emotions through therapy is the best place to start.
Lastly, going to therapy is the ultimate self care. Give yourself a full hour a week to be the center of attention, and make your well being the priority. Finding a therapist that you feel comfortable with can help you feel less overwhelmed and more confident while parenting through the teenage years.
